Liam redux

Bill Bailey: refusing to take the ASDA millions

“I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” The Killers “I’ve got ham but I’m not a hamster” Bill Bailey Every year Bill Bailey wins the Suavest Man in England award and it’s easy to see why. He’s doing a series of pre-tour warm up shows in horrible Hammersmith and it was too good a…

Liam
2–3 minutes

“I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” The Killers

“I’ve got ham but I’m not a hamster” Bill Bailey

Every year Bill Bailey wins the Suavest Man in England award and it’s easy to bill_bailey_lsee why. He’s doing a series of pre-tour warm up shows in horrible Hammersmith and it was too good a chance to miss. Though you were really paying to see a dress rehearsal.

It turns out Bill is a bit of a radical. He did a routine about being offered gazillions of pounds to do some adverts for ASDA. His reason for turning the money down is very unfashionable. He didn’t want to take the money from part of the union busting Wal-Mart corporation. Mainstream entertainers don’t say that sort of thing anymore. He shares every reasonable person’s loathing of marketing people. Apparently they call Christmas the PGP. That’s primary gifting period if you prefer to avoid a religious term for the late December holiday period. One of them asked him before going on stage at a charity show to avoid any mention of Nazi gold. The show’s mystery backers were Swiss bank UBS Warburg who had handled tons of the stuff and are still touchy about it. Bill rose to the challenge and did the first ten minutes of his act improvising on the Nazi gold theme to a silent audience of celebs and Swiss bankers. That’s admirable.

He loathes Sting, Bush, Brown and Blair and is very happy to let the world know. His little cameo of sing singing a protest song in Latin in support of striking blu-tak miners makes me laugh still. As for The Killers he summed them up nicely. “Meaningless bollocks”. And this reviewer loudly applauded his comment “jazz is shit”. The embarrassing thing was that no one else clapped. The last time that happened to me was in the cinema watching Michael Collins when I was the only person who cheered when the northern cops were blown up. Quel faux pas.

Last night’s performance was obviously a man trying out new material. The second half was weaker than the first but if past form is anything to go by the theatre shows will be worth the ticket price.

18 responses to “Bill Bailey: refusing to take the ASDA millions”

  1. Andy Newman Avatar
    Andy Newman

    I note that Bill Bailey went to the same school as me, and is only a couple of years younger. he was also in the WRP at around the same time I was in the SWP, given that we were both in the small town of Keynsham it is extraordinary but I have no recollection of ever having met him at that stage.

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  2. Alex Nichols Avatar
    Alex Nichols

    ” He’s doing a series of pre-tour warm up shows in horrible Hammersmith ”

    Do you mean Hammersmith as a whole, or just the bit near the Lebatt’s Apollo?
    I’d agree with the latter proposition, but not the former.
    Try walking along the riverside and visiting some of the pubs near the bridge, or Kelmscott House.

    Actually B.B. lives nearby, so it’s a local gig for him.

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  3. Liam Avatar
    Liam

    Eamonn Holmes went to my school when I was there but I have no memory of anyone that obnoxiously smarmy in the place. Anymore celebrity schoolmates out there?

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  4. charliemarks Avatar
    charliemarks

    I’m not going to mention my minor celebrity schoolmate – they don’t really qualify as a celebrity any more.

    And if I can broaden the topic:

    My favourite bit of entertainment industry radicalism was Daniel Beddingfield’s support of the firefighters strike… If I remember rightly it was at an awards ceremony he performed his breakthrough hit with backing dancers dressed in firemen’s uniforms.

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  5. Andy Newman Avatar
    Andy Newman

    I know a lot of people who went to school with John Rees, but my lips are sealed.

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  6. maeve66 Avatar
    maeve66

    John Cusack, but you knew that, Liam.

    I love your pop culture critiques. *I* cheered at that point in Michael Collins… it was about the only point I didn’t hate because of Julia Roberts. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Stephen Rea is always wonderful. And I WOULD have clapped at “jazz is shit,” in solidarity and also in agreement.

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  7. charliemarks Avatar
    charliemarks

    Listen to John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme and then tell me jazz is shit…

    It can’t all be shit, can it?

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  8. Louisefeminista Avatar
    Louisefeminista

    Maeve: “John Cusack, but you knew that, Liam”.

    Wow…you were at school with John Cusack. Gosh, he’s cute (swoon, swoon…). Better stop there as have a Cusack fantasy coming on….

    I attended the same secondary school as the actress Julie Walters though about 20 yrs after she left.

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  9. Phil Avatar
    Phil

    Chris Riddell was in the year below me; I’ve got a couple of original artworks somewhere.

    I remember two guys who I was convinced were going places – tall hippie Dave and his tall hippie friend Daniel. There was also a short non-hippie called Andy who tagged along with them sometimes. Dave vanished without trace, Daniel became a local Labour hack and Andy became the editor of the Financial Times.

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  10. Louisefeminista Avatar
    Louisefeminista

    To broaden the topic yet again…

    I worked in an art college and met a number of artists and designers who have ended up in the colour supplements of The Guardian/The Observer. And that’s it for them and nowt more….

    Though claim-to-fames include like Dinos and Jake Chapman, Tracey Emin, Julien MacDonald. All I will say is that art students are a pain in the arse and treat the staff like they are the servants (and right-wing). Sweeping generalisation I know but…..

    But David Lynch came to visit once and that was exciting. And Holly Johnson from Frankie Goes to Hollywood is really nice bloke and wears fantastic bespoke suits.

    And Charlie, absolutely, John Coltrane………

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  11. Doug Avatar
    Doug

    Nitpicking time: Bill Bailey actually did his warm-up gigs at the Landmark Theatre in Ilfracombe (August).

    He signed up to the HOPI campaign as well.

    More than slightly bothered to hear he lives in London cos he has a place here in North Devon as well. If it’s a holiday home then sadly he’s really not one of us.

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  12. jamie Avatar
    jamie

    to be honest, Bill sucks…. and talks ‘meaningless bollocks’ – but somehow that seems right, and i still like him….

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  13. Shades of Grey » Care in the community

    […] It now looks likely that my old school mate “Toota” will be going along to our Senior School’s last lesson this weekend. He describes himself as having long scraggly hair and his mates call him Bill Bailey. […]

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  14. bill j Avatar
    bill j

    Lawrence Lewellyn Bowen came to my 9th birthday party. We were in the same class in primary school.

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  15. Andy BH Avatar
    Andy BH

    Did he “do” your living room?

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  16. Liam Avatar
    Liam

    Andy – I am starting to get anxious. Bill has not been on this site for at least a week. If we’ve not heard from him by Saturday I’m going to contact the police.

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  17. skidmarx Avatar
    skidmarx

    I have an LP by Joe Glazer and Abe Brumberg called MY DARLING PARTY LINE … irreverent songs on international communism, with the following, irrelevant to the post other than the title:

    Bill Bailey (The Ultimate Sectarian)

    # Bill Bailey belonged to every radical party
    That ever came to be,
    Till he finally decided to start his own party
    So he wouldn’t disagree.
    He got himself an office with a
    sign outside the door,
    With “Marxist League” in letters red,
    And to everyone who came around,
    These were the words he said:

    ” Oh, you may be a friend of Max Shactman,
    Jim Cannon, and you may agree,
    You may get along with Norman Thomas
    And with Algernon Lee.
    You may be an old-time Wobbly,
    And think Jay Lovestone’s fine.
    You may be a comrade to all of those folks,
    But you ain’t no comrade of mine.”

    For seventeen years, Bill Bailey kept his office
    With the sign outside the door.
    But he never, ever, got a new member;
    Everybody made him sore.
    And then one night , there came a big fire
    And through the flames and smoke,
    As the firemen rushed in to save Bill’s life,
    These were the words he spoke:

    “Oh you may be a friend of Ben Gitlow,
    Reverend Muste, and you may agree.
    You may get along with Emma Goldman
    And with the S.L.P.
    You may have belonged to every radical party
    that ever had a line,
    Yes, you may be a comrade to all of those folks,
    But you ain’t no comrade of mine.”

    And so on that day, Bill Bailey passed away,
    And his soul to Red Heaven flew.
    He was met at the gate by Old Karl Marx
    And Friedrich Engels, too.
    They said “Welcome comrade” as they
    opened the gate
    To let Bill come inside,
    As he slammed the door back in Old Karl’s face,
    These were the words he cried:

    “Oh, you may be a friend of Karl Kautsky,
    And a pal of Ferd Lassalle,
    You may get along with Wilhelm Liebknecht
    And the First International,
    You may have inspired every radical party
    From the Hudson to the Rhine,
    Oh you may be a comrade to all of those folks ,
    But you ain’t no comrade of mine.” #

    In Notes: Bill Bailey– fictitious prototype of a very real type, a person so embittered by his experience with the Communist Party that he finds it impossible to join and agree with any radical organization. In the 1930s, there were many such small sectarian groups, some of them with no more than a hundred or so adherents, but each publishing its own “organ” and each claiming to speak for the “working people” as a whole.Max Shactman– leader of a former Trotskyite group called the “Workers Party”. Jim Cannon– leader of a competing Trotskyite group called the “Socialist Workers Party”. Algernon Lee– ” Leader of the “American Social Democratic Federation”, which split from Norman Thomas’ Socialist Party in protest against the latter’s opposition to America’s entry into World War II.
    Wobbly– nickname for a member of the Industrial Workers of the World. Jay Lovestone– leader of the American Communist Party (Opposition) an anti-Stalinist group formed in 1930. Ben Gitlow– one-time presidential candidate of the CP, then co-leader of Lovestone’s organization. Reverend Muste– old-time American radical and pacifist. Emma Goldman– American anarchist leader. Karl Kautsky, Ferdinand Lasalle, Wilhelm Liebknecht– 19th century German socialist leaders.

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  18. KrisS Avatar
    KrisS

    Another half-decent comedian?

    http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2009/12/06/10126/mcintyre_shuns_debt-collectors_gig

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