Glastonbury’s statement on Bob Vylan’s “death to the IDF” chant is a hideous example of handwringing corporate PR, and they had done so well standing up to the pressure from some of the worst people on earth to drop Kneecap.

They should have said something like this.

Glastonbury wants to have something that every music lover can enjoy. This year we were thrilled to present 80 year old Rod Stewart with his special blend of unabashed 1970s sexism. Reform supporters, of whom Sir Rodney is one, will have loved the sight of him thrusting his pelvis at 76 year old Lulu, supported by a bunch of blonde women in short dresses. They will have been able to confirm to themselves that they aren’t racist by commenting on how good the black chap playing the saxophone was.

The rave crowd will have been delighted by The Prodigy’s rousing version of Smack My Bitch Up. If there has been a better song about hitting a woman we haven’t heard it.

We did something to annoy the sort of country music fans who will try and tell you that the Confederate flag has nothing to do with slavery and they named their rottweiler Stonewall because it looks like a wall. Shaboozey will have messed with their heads.

Now, we appreciate that Bob Vylan’s shouty, sweary music isn’t everyone’s cup of herbal tea, but they are quite popular. We did a bit of background checking on them and, as best we can find out, they do not appear to have been involved in the large scale murder of civilians by bombing, shelling, disease or starvation. That reflects well on them and we definitely wouldn’t have offered them a stage if they were up to that sort of stuff.

Actually, as we all now know, they have deeply held views against heavily armed organisations dedicated to mass murder, ethnic cleansing and genocide and our guess is that is what they were trying to express when they started the “death to the IDF” chant.

We hope this clarifies things and we have no interest in humouring supporters of genocide.