If there is a distant civilisation scanning the night sky for signs of intelligent life let us hope that when they scan this sector that they do not stumble across Italian television broadcasts. It would throw them into a state of existential despair.

Italian TV is roughly divided into the following categories.

Infomercials shot with a fairly good quality mobile phone camera plugging the local DIY store or car dealership.

Local news programmes which go into great detail about local Romanians nicking copper from derelict factories. They have much less to say about the all pervasive corruption which is the hallmark of local politics.

Worse than any of this is the “entertainment”shows which seem to corral about 15% of the country’s population into TV studios on any given evening. These are always fronted by a lecherous middle aged man who is accompanied by one or more young women who are obliged to perform activities holding out the promise to viewers that they will flash their knickers. This is interspersed with anecdotes about children dying of cancer and cheery singalongs. Stuff like this is on all night every night. It makes you embarrassed to belong to the human race.

I had hoped to post a photo of a bona fide Sicilian weeping statue housed in a modern cathedral Brehznev would have thought a bit too Stalinist brutalist but you aren’t allowed to take pictures.

Internet access permitting there will be news of trouble in Berlusconi’s ranks in the next couple of days.

13 responses to “Sorrisi e canzoni”

  1. While we’re deprived of a picture of a bona fide weeping statue, how about this one of a fake?

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  2. Make sure you don’t miss ‘Cantando Bailando’. It is horrific.

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  3. Or those football programmes where commentators, er, comment on a live match that they can see, *but we can’t*. A particularly twisted version of Plato’s Cave.

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  4. In Sicily, I was shocked by the number of Mussolini statues in shops – but worse than that there were Mussolini cooking aprons on sale.

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  5. Wasn’t there a leftist group in the 1970’s who beleived that they had contacted extraterrestrials? I can remember two of them coming into the Full Marx bookshop in Bristol and my co-worker getting very excited – as a twitcher would on coming upon a rare migrant bird?

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  6. I think that would have been Posadas and his supporters. The story goes that they assembled on a hilltop, but sadly the ufonauts – who as an advanced civilisation would naturally have been communists – didn’t show up. Maybe they had to do an intergalactic paper sale in Alpah Centauri that morning and couldn’t make it… Worth googling if you fancy a laugh.

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  7. I think you mean Posadists. I don’t think they claimed personal contact, just that UFOs must come from a socialist civilisation.

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  8. My earlier comment’s being held for moderation so it’ll probably appear (like this one!) at an odd point in the discussion – but it was a reply to Will Brown (comment 3) posted before Skidmarx posted his response…

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  9. That’s a nice defense of the Posadists, for whom I bear some strange affection. I think maybe E. P. Thompson shared it — his only novel is sci fi along much those lines.

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  10. Last night’s viewing was astonishing but it has given me an idea for a programme format to pitch to ITV or Sky.

    You have half a dozen people stick their arses through a cardboard screen and you have to match the arse with the face. The Italian version was inevitably pretty sexist but you could have a wider range of celebs involved to brighten it up. It could be the perfect career move for someone like Geoff Hoon.

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  11. Liam , if the mainstream TV companies are too narrow minded to take up your suggestion, perhaps you should try it out on this blog.

    I read the wikkopedia sketch of the posadists cited above with real interest. I was horrified by their enthusiasm for nuclear war and intrigued by their attempt to organise villages in Castro’s cuba to march on Guantanamo Bay.

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  12. I think Terry Christian already did a “Spot the Penis” contest. You could just stick some tinfoil with some pinpricks in it over your screen and hey presto instant psychedelic lightshow.

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  13. History is full of crying angels, seeking refuge from mans selfish need,educate, and those ghosts will no longer be.Wherse the priest when you need one, on his knees no doubt.

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